Trusting Our Child As They Face Challenges
It’s nerve wracking. I know. Children that face face hard things and tackle challenges, persevere and show determination, are more motivated to work hard and show resilience.
Trust: A firm belief in the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something.
In our continuous journey to nurture and guide our child, one of the most profound gifts we can offer is the confidence to face and overcome challenges. We can turn our focus to the importance of trusting our child to do hard things, at all ages. This trust is not just about believing in their capabilities but also about empowering them to believe in themselves, and to build resilience.
Embracing the Challenge
Life, as we know, is replete with challenges, both big and small. As adults, we understand that overcoming difficulties is not just about the success at the end but about the journey that shapes us. For our child, every challenge presents an opportunity for growth, learning, and self-discovery. By encouraging our kids to tackle difficult tasks, we help them develop resilience, perseverance, and a growth mindset. First we have to let them face what’s hard. Whether it’s separating from mom to go to school or learning how to skateboard, challenges are life lessons.
The Importance of Trust
Trust plays a pivotal role. When we express our belief in our child’s abilities to handle tough situations, we're not just saying, "I think you can do this." We're telling them, "I believe in your capacity to learn, adapt, struggle and grow, no matter the outcome." This trust is crucial for the development of their self-esteem and for fostering an environment where they feel safe to take risks and possibly fail. A conscious, positive parent trusts that struggle is an integral part of learning and our child grows stronger and more capable, as a result.
Overcoming the Fear of Failure
One of the biggest hurdles in letting our child face challenges is our own fear of seeing them fail or get hurt. It's natural to want to protect them, to prevent them from failing or struggling, but in doing so, we must be careful not to shield them from valuable learning experiences. Failure is not the opposite of success; it's a stepping stone towards it. Children learn by doing, by trying, by failing, and by trying again. Encouraging our child to see failure in this light helps them develop resilience and the understanding that every attempt brings them closer to their goals.
Practical Steps to Support And Encourage Your Child:
Start Small: Encourage your child to take on small challenges first. This could be anything from a baby learning to safely crawl down the steps with your support, to a toddler putting on a shirt independently, to trying a new sport, solving a difficult puzzle, or learning a new skill. Tackle to earn these small victories together. Let them struggle finding the sleeve in their shirt, let them struggle finding where the puzzle piece goes. Let them keep trying and offer minimal assistance while offering encouragement and belief that they’ll get there.
Provide Tools, Not Solutions: Offer the tools and guidance they might need to tackle a problem but resist the urge to provide direct solutions. The goal is for them to learn how to think critically and solve problems on their own. For a toddler who wants to do it all, let them, with your calm teaching, guidance and support. Let them use preschool scissors to snip a package open. For older kids, give them the trust to use their problem solving skills and independence. “What’s a way you can let your brother know you didn’t like being teased, without hitting him?”
Foster a Growth Mindset: Teach them that skills, ability and intelligence can be developed with effort and perseverance. Encourage them to see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than see them as insurmountable obstacles. Let them do it their way and try it out. You will be surprised how often their solution works! Praise their attempts to solve the problem regardless of the outcome. This teaches that learning and growth comes from perseverance and effort. Children with a growth mindset-”I can do this and I’ll try to,” are more likely to be curious, resilient and motivated.
Be a Role Model: Children learn by watching us. Show them how you face your own challenges, share your struggles and successes, and demonstrate a positive attitude towards overcoming obstacles. Let them see that it’s okay to struggle and work hard.
Encourage Independence: Give choices and allow them to make small decisions. This shows trust in their decisions and gives them a feeling of autonomy. Give your child chores to do beginning at the youngest of ages- let them undo the dishwasher and cook with you. Toddlers love to slice bananas and cucumbers, sweep and vacuum. Let them struggle to climb the monkey bars, building a frustration tolerance over time. Let them walk to their friends house in the area or neighborhood. Let them go to to the store and buy a container of milk and bread. It builds their self esteem and creates trust in them, and in our community.
The Gift of Trust
By trusting our children to do hard things, we give them more than just opportunities for growth; we give them the foundation of a strong character. This trust tells them that they are capable, that challenges are just part of the learning process, and that failure is not something to be feared but to be learned from.
Let's commit to fostering an environment of trust and encouragement, helping our child to build the resilience and confidence they need to navigate the complexities of life. Together, we can empower the next generation to not only face their challenges but to embrace them wholeheartedly and not be afraid to do so.
