Challenges of Permissive Parenting
Feeling stuck in permissive parenting? Learn how to set healthy boundaries and shift toward conscious, authoritative parenting with simple, loving, actionable steps.
Let’s be honest—some days we’re just too tired to set another boundary. We all do. It feels easier to say “yes” to our child than to weather another meltdown over screen time, snacks, or bedtime. And sometimes that’s okay. Maybe the answer could be yes and we’re saying no because we are spent, tapped out and cranky, and reflexively say no.
But then…
If you’ve found yourself giving in more often than you’d like, you’re not alone. Doing this repeatedly can signal a shift toward permissive parenting—a style that while well intentioned, can lead to unintended challenges for both parent and child. Gentle parenting, while lovely sounding and is in many ways, can easily become loosey goosey permissive parenting.
What Is Permissive Parenting?
Permissive parenting is marked by high warmth and low boundaries. Parents in this style are loving and responsive, but may avoid setting firm limits or following through with logical consequences. You might find yourself reasoning with your child when a clear “no” would suffice or making frequent exceptions to the rules just to keep the peace.
While connection and empathy are necessary, a lack of structure can lead to power struggles, tantrums, difficulty with self-regulation, and an unclear sense of what’s expected. Children thrive with boundaries—they feel safer, more secure, and more capable when they know where the edges are.
Permissive parenting can create a lack of self discipline. Our child has difficulty making good choices, difficulty with authority and following rules at school or other settings, and may struggle with self regulation and impulsivity.
Signs You Might Be Swaying Permissively
You say yes when you mean no, just to avoid conflict.
You feel like your child is “in charge” of the household.
You often give multiple chances without meaningful follow through.
Consequences are inconsistent, illogical, ineffective or non-existent.
You’re exhausted from trying to be endlessly accommodating.
Not enforcing a regular bedtime or screen time limits
If any of this resonates, it’s not a sign of failure. It’s a sign of love—and that you’re ready to acknowledge and pivot in your parenting, with intention.
Moving Toward Conscious and Authoritative Parenting
Conscious parenting invites us to reflect on our own emotional patterns while responding to our child’s needs with both empathy and structure. Authoritative parenting, which blends warmth with firm boundaries, is consistently linked with the most positive outcomes in children—including emotional resilience, cooperation, and confidence.
Five ways to shift smoothly and effectively out of permissiveness:
1. Pause and Reflect
Take a deep breath and pause. Ask yourself: What am I afraid will happen if I say no? Many permissive patterns are driven by discomfort with our child’s big emotions—or our own. Conscious parenting begins with self-awareness. A fearful parent is a parent that avoids their child’s strong emotions and is afraid of reactions. We use positive self talk: “My child is allowed to push back and I’m allowed to hold my boundary.” “I control how I behave.”
2. Set Clear, Loving Boundaries
Instead of long lectures and explanations, use simple language: “I know you want more screen time. The answer is no. I’m here if you need help calming down.” Stay kind, firm, and consistent, and ride the waves.
3. Follow Through with Confidence
Boundaries without follow-through confuses children. If you set a limit, calmly hold it. Predictability helps children feel safe. They want to see our confidence and belief in the boundary we set.
4. Repair Without Over-Apologizing
Guilty parenting creates more permissive parenting by giving in more. Instead, repair by being honest: “I’ve been saying yes when I should have said no. I’m learning to be clearer with our boundaries so we can all feel better.” “I let you have too many snacks before dinner. I see that. From now on there can be one snack like a fruit or a healthy choice like carrots and humus. Treats are for after dinner.”
5. Seek Support
Parenting doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Whether through coaching, conscious parenting groups, or trusted friends, support makes it easier to hold limits with love.
