From Reacting to Responding: A Parent Coach’s View to Shifting Your Parenting Habits
Conscious, Positive Parenting Strategies Every Parent Can Use, starting today.
If you’ve ever heard yourself snap and shout, “Why can’t you just listen?!” and instantly wished you could rewind and take back the moment, you’re not alone. Every parent has these split-second reactions they’re not proud of. The truth is, most of our “reactive parenting” comes from old wiring—patterns we learned long before our children were even born. Our parents modeled this to us. And more of these knee jerk reactive moments come from feeling overwhelmed, overextended and overdone. We do so much. We do too much, all in a day, and neglect ourselves and our own needs.
The good news? With a few intentional shifts, we can move from reacting in the heat of the moment to responding with clarity, compassion, consciousness, connection, and calm. That’s the heart of conscious parenting, and it’s also the foundation of effective parent coaching: small, doable changes that create a big difference in your family’s everyday rhythm.
Why We React (Even When We Know Better)
Reactions tend to come from three places: stress, the story we tell ourselves, and lack of self care. When we’re overwhelmed, rushed, or overstimulated, our brain moves into autopilot. That’s when we stop being present and the old scripts show up—raising our voice, shutting down, or trying to control everyone and everything.
Children, meanwhile, are still learning self regulation. When they feel frustrated, hurt, or misunderstood, their behavior becomes louder, bigger, and more egregious. Every behavior is a message. It’s not personal—though it feels that way in the moment. This is exactly where the principles of positive parenting step in: understanding the “why” beneath behavior so we can guide rather than explode. Nothing good comes from losing our self control.
The Power of the Pause
Here’s a tool I teach in parent coaching sessions: the pause. It’s small, but it’s mighty. I wrote a separate blog about the Power of Pausing, which will give you more context and additional support.
Before you react, take two seconds to breathe. Those two seconds give your brain time to shift from survival mode to connection mode.
Try this:
Inhale deeply and slowly.
Exhale longer than you inhale. Like twice as long.
Then respond, without reacting
We don’t have to become a monk. We just need enough space to choose what comes next.
Responding with Intention
Responding doesn’t mean being calm 100% of the time. It means staying connected to what matters most—teaching, guiding, and modeling emotional maturity. To discipline means to teach. It doesn’t mean to punish.
Here’s what responding with intention can sound like:
“You’re having a hard time, you’re not giving me a hard time. I see you.”
“Let me understand what’s happening for you.”
“We can figure this out together.”
A response invites collaboration. It involves teamwork. A reaction invites pushback and resistance. Kids can feel the difference immediately, and they show it.
Your Trigger Is the Teacher
One of the most transformative parts of conscious parenting is noticing which behaviors trigger us. Is it backtalk or our child being fresh? Is it not listening? The sudden meltdown right when you’re heading out the door?
Your trigger isn’t a flaw—it’s information. It’s our own behavior.
We can ask ourself:
What story am I telling myself right now about my child?
Whose voice am I hearing from my past?
What does my child need, and what do I need in this moment?
This kind of self-awareness is the quiet superpower behind every calm, grounded parent—and it’s something I see families build again and again in our coaching work together.
Small Steps, Big Shifts
We don’t need a personality transplant to become a more conscious, intentional parent. We just need willingness to pause, reflect, and choose a new way forward. That’s what positive parenting is all about: progress over perfection. It’s about connection. Connection creates correction.
The next time your child’s big feelings collide with your own, try this simple sequence:
Pause. Don’t react. Take a minute to yourself.
Breathe. Take 3 long inhales and slow, longer exhales
Reflect. Ask yourself, “Why is this behavior bothering me so much? Am I tired or hungry?” “What is their behavior trying to tell me?”
Respond. Our goal is to model, to teach, to connect and respond to their needs.
These small moments, repeated over time, reshape your habits—and your home—into a place where connection and calm leads the way.
If you’d like help practicing these tools or breaking old patterns, parent coaching offers support, clarity, and a partner on the journey. You're not meant to figure this all out alone. It has always taken a village, and it still does. I’m here to help.
