How Just 10 Minutes of Special Time Can Change Your Child’s Behavior
Connection creates correction. When we make the time to play and be with our child sharing in their interests, a shift in their behavior occurs.
If parenting had a “magic wand,” special time would be one of the closest things to it. Research and real-life experience show that even 10 minutes a day of intentional, one-on-one time with your child can transform not only their behavior, but also your relationship.
Think about it: when your child acts out, what are they often really asking for? Connection. And while you can’t always give them hours of undivided attention (life is busy!), a consistent 10 minutes of special time sends a powerful message: You matter. I see you. You are important to me.
What Is Special Time?
Special time is a short, scheduled period where you set aside distractions—no phone, no dishes, no multitasking—and tune in fully to your child. They get to choose the activity (within safe limits, of course), and you join them with warmth, connection, curiosity, and joy. It’s totally doable. And it’s necessary.
This isn’t about teaching, correcting, or managing. It’s about simply being together.
Why 10 Minutes Works Wonders
You might wonder, “Can such a small amount of time really make a difference?” The answer is a resounding yes. Here’s why:
Fills Their Connection Cup
Just like adults need quality time with friends and with loved ones, kids crave undivided attention. When they feel seen and valued, they’re less likely to seek connection through negative behaviors.Reduces Power Struggles
Children often push back when they feel powerless. Special time gives them control over the play or activity, restoring a sense of autonomy that reduces defiance later. Children need to have a feeling of control where appropriate.Strengthens Emotional Regulation
When kids feel connected, their brains are calmer and more cooperative. You’ll notice fewer meltdowns and faster recovery from big feelings.Builds Trust and Resilience
Knowing they can count on you—even for 10 minutes—helps your child feel connected, safe and confident, which translates to improved behavior at home and school.
How to Start Special Time in Your Family
Choose a consistent time: Before bedtime, right after school, or even during breakfast on busy days.
Be Flexible: Some days it might be 10 minutes, other days a bit more or a drop less. What matters most is showing up with presence, not perfection.
Follow their lead: Whether it’s playing Legos, drawing, or playing a game, let them choose.
Stay fully present: Put your phone away. Let your child see your eyes, your connection, smile, and joy.
The Ripple Effect
Parents I coach report: “My child listens so much better.” “There are fewer tantrums.” “We laugh more as a family.” “We’re closer than we’ve ever been.”
Ten minutes of connection a day isn’t just about behavior—it’s about building a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
So, next time you’re tempted to think, I don’t have time, remember this: You don’t need hours. You just need 10 intentional minutes.
