Off-to-School Confidence
What really builds a child’s confidence and resilience? (Hint: It’s not praise.) We can learn how to raise confident, more assured kids this back-to-school season with backed parenting strategies that builds connection and self esteem.
Back-to-school season is exciting! Perhaps it’s your child’s first school experience, or a new year and a new classroom. New teachers, new friends. Will my child fit in? Will the teacher help her open her container for lunch? What if they struggle? How can I help them feel confident as they start this new school year?
The truth is, confidence and resilience doesn’t come from telling our kids “You’re the smartest!” or “You’ll be just fine!” Confidence grows from experience, belief, connection, and support in the face of challenge.
🌱 Confidence Isn’t About Praise
One of the misconceptions about raising confident kids is that confidence comes from constant praise. It doesn’t. Overpraising can create praise junkies, where our child continuously seeks praise and acknowledgement for all things that they do. And what if they’re not the smartest, or fastest, or most talented? What does this mean to their self image? Can our child come in second or third and still be confident and believe in themselves? When we help with support, they sure can.
If we jump in too quickly to protect or shower with overpraise, our child may begin to doubt themselves instead of learning to trust their own abilities.
This back-to-school season, instead of saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, you’re amazing! try:
“New things can feel tricky. I know that, and I know you can handle it.”
“I’ll see you after school. I love you.” Don’t stay longer than needed. Your longer stay can create unease and worry.
“It’s okay to be nervous. I feel nervous too sometimes. I tell myself it’ll pass. What can you tell yourself when you’re feeling nervous?”
Auditions can be scary. “Being brave is a part of auditioning in a school play.”
This language shifts the focus from focusing on outcomes to validating feelings, and to finding their inner strength- a foundation of true confidence.
💪 Strength Grows Through Facing Challenge
Resilience doesn’t come by avoiding stress—it comes by building skills to manage it. “It's natural to want to protect your child from struggle, but doing so sends the message they can't handle it.” Dr. Siggie, Ph.D, teaches us that our child can feel scared or worried, and still try. When kids face age-appropriate challenges, like presenting in class or navigating a tricky friendship, they learn: I can handle discomfort and bounce back.
Starting a new school year can mean changing things up and doing it differently than last year. Back-to-school offers many opportunities for this growth:
For preschoolers and first time school goers: Show your confidence in your child, in your child’s’ teacher, in their school, and in their ability to separate from you. Your anxiousness or your belief in them will be felt and matched.
Make independence successful for preschoolers. A full size backpack is easier for them to pack on their own rather than a small one. They can put in the extra clothes needed and put their lunchbox and water bottle in. Small steps mean a lot in teaching and fostering responsibility, confidence and independence.
Continue to encourage your child to pack their own backpack at night, even if they forget something once, like their homework.
Let them advocate and speak up with their teacher instead of solving every problem for them. This builds self advocacy, independence, resilience and fosters problem solving.
Normalize mistakes: “Forgetting your homework happens. What can you do differently tomorrow?”
Don’t run over to bring their forgotten gym sneakers or homework to school. This is how kids learn to be accountable and responsible.
Separation anxiety can take time to work through. Begin with taking care of yourself so you can be the calm, sturdy parent your child needs. Be well rested and slow down. A calm parent that isn’t rushing, believes in their child and in the teacher, helps their child overcome separation anxiety.
Each small struggle handled with support (not rescue) strengthens emotional resilience.
🧠 The Role of Emotional Connection
While challenge is important, kids need to know they’re not alone. Connection fuels confidence. When your child feels seen and supported, they’re more willing to take risks and step into new situations.
This might look like:
A 5-minute morning ritual that includes connection before school. What can this look like for you and your child?
A check-in after the school day: “What was one hard thing and one good thing today?”
Reflecting their strengths back to them: “I noticed you kept trying to solve that math problem, even when it was frustrating. That’s resilience and hard work!”
You’re present, calm, attuned, validating and encouraging. This becomes the safety net that lets your child stretch themselves a bit further.
🎒 Finally
This school year, let’s remember: confidence isn’t about being the best in the class or never feeling scared or nervous. Resilience isn’t about never falling—it’s about knowing you can face challenges, can muster up bravery, can do hard things, sometimes win, sometimes lose, and have support that believes in you.
By shifting from praise to presence, from fixing to supporting, you help your child walk into school with quiet courage and inner strength.
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll notice your own resilience growing right alongside theirs.
