Building Confidence and Resilience in Our Child
We can foster perseverance, resilience when facing a challenge, determination and willingness to keep trying. That’s how we prepare our child for their own life ahead.
🎯 Confidence Begins with Capability
“Kids become confident when they do hard things and realize they’re still okay.” — Dr. Becky Kennedy
We know to praise our child, even though we may sometimes forget to. We appreciate being praised too, being told what a bright child we have, how well they are behaved in school, what we do well in our professional life. Here’s a little nugget: We don’t need to tell our kids that they’re the best, the fastest, or the smartest in order to build self-esteem. This can give them a false sense of sense, and can diminish their motivation and perseverance where they rely on their talent instead of working hard. Instead, we can help them develop a quiet inner trust—a belief that they can figure things out, do hard things, make mistakes, and keep trying.
This starts with small, manageable challenges at every age:
Letting them pour their own juice (even if it spills)
Encouraging them to order their meal at a restaurant
Asking them to try again when something feels hard
Teaching and allowing them to use kitchen tools (age appropriate of course) I have taught my three and four year old students how to use a box grater, cut with knives, use an electric mixer, work with peelers and scrappers, a hammer and saw, and so much more.)
Each time they try, struggle and bounce back, they grow true resilience.
🌱 Resilience Grows from “Just Enough” Struggle
“We want our kids to experience manageable doses of stress, not to avoid it altogether.” — Dr. Aliza Pressman
Shielding our child from every disappointment or discomfort can backfire. Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from hardship or adversity, and develops when kids learn that hard moments are a part of life—and they have the internal tools to get through them. Independence and supported struggle builds competence, resilience and determination.
Next time your child faces a challenge, try saying:
“I know this is tough—and I also know you can handle it.”
“Your legos fell apart and you’re mad. Why do you think it fell? What can you do differently?”
“What can you do when it’s hard to fall asleep?”
“You’ve done hard things before. This is just another one.”
Learning to tie shoes takes practice. Lets’ both take 3 deep breaths and try again.
“Which part of this feels hardest for you?”
This simple language helps your child feel seen and supported without being rescued. That’s the sweet spot. Feeling validated while letting them struggle and figure it out.
Cultivate a Growth Mindset:
Help children understand that their abilities can be developed through commitment and hard work. It takes time to learn a new skill.
Encourage them to see challenges as opportunities for learning and growth.
Praise effort and small amounts of progress, rather than just focusing on outcomes. “Hey, yesterday you couldn’t tie your shoes and today you crossed them over and made the two loops. That’s great.”
Encourage Independence:
Provide opportunities for children to make choices and take age-appropriate risks. Let them do more for themselves. They actually want to!
Allow them to try new things and learn from their mistakes.
Encourage solving problems on their own, offering support when needed but not jumping in to fix everything. “You forgot your homework and you got a bad grade. What can you do differently today?”
Each time we rescue our child instead of supporting them with logical consequences, we inhibit growth and an opportunity for learning
💛 Connection Builds Inner Strength
Confidence and resilience thrive in the heart of secure attachment. When your child knows deep down, “My parents believe in me and are here for me—even when I mess up or struggle,” they grow brave enough to take risks.
Want to build that connection?
Be the calm in their storm, not the fixer
Validate their feelings before jumping to giving solutions and fixing
Reflect back their strengths: “I noticed you didn’t give up. That took a lot of effort and courage.”
These small moments of reflection help your child internalize a narrative of capability, not perfection.
Teach Coping Skills:
Help children identify and express their emotions in healthy ways. “You’re frustrated you can’t climb the monkey bars and you really want to. I get it.”
Provide them with tools for managing stress and anxiety, such as deep breathing or mindfulness techniques like positive self talk. Be their calm and coregulate. They may not be able to cope, but you can.
Encourage them to seek help when they need it. “Who can you ask for help when you feel stuck?”
🧠 Final Thoughts
Confidence isn't built in a day. It’s built in the small, everyday moments when our child faces a challenge—and we show up with calm, connection, and belief in their ability to grow.
As Dr. Becky reminds us:
“Good parents don’t fix everything. They help their kids feel safe enough to face everything.”
Let’s raise kids who are not only confident in themselves—but resilient in the face of life. Life needs us to be resilient and to be able to do hard things.
